I just finished this self help kind of book. I had been having some serious issues with myself and some of my relationships and I was thinking about going to an Impact Training class to try and figure some things out about myself and how I could possibly change what was going on in my life, or what I thought was going on in my life. When a good friend told me about this gal and a couple of her books. I can't make it to one of the training classes until March, so I thought I would give this book a read. So glad I did. I feel like I have quite a few answers as to why I do the things I do and why I am the way I am.
This book helped me to recognize how my thoughts have affected every single relationship I have...even the one I have with myself. I discovered I am the one who has control over how the world sees me. And really what the world thinks really doesn't matter. All this time I have projected my own thoughts of self doubt, thoughts of not being good enough, or smart enough, or liked enough, or loved the right way, or whatever the thought was...I have projected my thoughts onto what I thought others thought of me. I ultimately believed those thoughts because I was the one telling myself I wasn't all of the things I wanted to be or what I wanted others to think I was. It is kind of complicated to explain. A lot of the thought process going on was going on in a sort of subconscious kind of way. But at least now I recognize it and can work on changing the way I think about things.
I have been living this life of striving for perfection, looking for a better relationship, and living for acceptance from others. When really I needed to love myself for who I really was and take a look at what I already had. My life is so rich with blessings of good friends, good children, a dang good husband who I have taken for granted most of the time...All of my crazy self sabotaging thoughts were all things that really were not true.
In the book, Byron Katie has you ask yourself four questions about any thought you might have. You ask yourself:
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that its true?
3. How do I react when I think this thought?
4. Who or what would I be without the thought?
Then she teaches you how to turn the thought around.
More than half of the time, when I used the four question process to analyze a thought, I found what I was telling myself in that thought wasn't even true. By recognizing that it wasn't even true changed the pattern of thoughts that followed each thought I had.
I have realized so many things about myself by reading this book. I feel like I am now living my life with a whole new perspective. I have already seen a huge difference in my relationship with my husband, because I have changed the way I see that relationship...or rather how I " thought" things were.
The funny thing is I wasn't even going to list this book on my good reads updates or even share it on my blog, for fear of what people would think of me, but then I realized I was making my thoughts my reality again. I was telling myself a story that people won't accept me for me. People will think I don't know how to have a good relationship with others and so on. The thoughts of what a critic may say were just a flooding in. Then I took those thoughts and went through the inquiry process as Katie calls it. It is me that tells myself what others will think. No one has actually thought that. But if they do, the other empowering thing this book does is helps you realize you don't need the approval of others. You can be okay with you how you are and you how you want to be.
Ultimately the book has helped me to be okay with the way I am. I am okay to be me. It is okay if I am different from you and you and you. It has been quite liberating really. I feel a breath of fresh air in my mind and spirit. For so long I have had the thought, and this goes deep. Even back to when I was the littlest girl. I have always told myself if I don't do things the way everyone else thinks I should do them, then it isn't the right way. Now I can't say this is for everything in my life, but a large majority of things I did was based on this thought I created of myself. I have always questioned myself or my decisions because I have worried about what kind of criticism I may get from that decision, so I for the most part steered clear of rash decisions or drastic changes, even if it was a change I wanted. Oh there is so much more I could say about my self assessment from reading this book, but those are the big ones I am taking on right now. Little by little I am changing the way I think about things, people, relationships, myself, my children, my husband, my life.
Definitely a good read. I think I will be buying this one for Dave to read to. Then we can both work on "inquiry" when we may disagree on something or if I feel hurt or threatened by something he may say or if he feels that way.
What you see from me is what you will get from me from now on. I am okay being me because I am teaching myself to be okay with me the way I am by controlling my thoughts.
